Deceive or destroy; what should we tell our enemies?  Is there a chance for peace…reconciliation…friendship or even tolerable co-existence?  These are the questions that should fuel our push to the stars…if Earth is too small for the huge politico-religious differences, colonizing local astral bodies might allow a united civilization to flourish with advanced technology and never worry it could be used by enemies.  The Botany Bay experiment by England worked for its time period, but what would a future scenario entail?  Shipping off entire populations to remote settlements?  We shouldn’t give up our Earth just because we can’t get along, but there must be a solution that is escaping those in power.  I have suggestions, but who listens to me?  Who even reads the words splashed across my screen?  Answers often preclude questions, for that is the nature of effect precluding cause.  We see a phenomenon, then search to see how it could have been created.  The chicken leads to the egg, in that sense, but the egg precedes the chicken, once the whole hatching process is understood.  The universe is backtracked to a big bang, but that has an entity looking for a cause that is still open to debate.

Embracing the unknown or the inexplicable seems to surpass our ignorance, and we are doomed until we drop all barriers, open our eyes, and begin to imagine a world without barriers…a universe that has dark energy and matter we can’t understand…phenomenon that makes up about 80% of empty space.  Unless we drop the blinders that keep us looking straight back and forward, we’ll miss the sidelines that hold the greatest mystery of all…a unified field theory of universal proportions.  If string theory has a foundation, life is included in the vibrations that spark this entire marvel into existence.  Dimensions upon dimensions, matter within anti-matter, positive and negative magnetism and electricity; the Ying-Yang foundation of everything.  Even basic speculation suggests everything has a balance, and that means the scales can be tipped…energy has two states, each able to influence the other.


With electrical storage now beyond batteries, we see how conservation of energy is important.  Stored in compressed or liquid forms, it’s all release at peak times to drive turbines and utilize every wind/solar/tidal natural method of producing electricity.  Why do they not use magnets to drive turbines?  With positive/negative power, it’s easy to imagine a geometric configuration that is continuously spun by using the push/pull of +/- magnetic machines that would drive turbines…perhaps a push to get it started, or just using Electro-magnetic configurations that would spin, and keep getting a positive or negative nudge to keep it in rotation.  That might lead to other magnetic inventions, a natural force that is greatly under-utilized.  It seems many aspects of science are heavily slanted towards select areas and fields, and government funded think tanks do what they are told.  Why not use creative minds to suggest what might seem obvious to some?  We have orbital energy circling overhead, and the satellites zip by at incredible speed, something Newtonian science suggests would be practical to Earthlings.  NASA uses advanced knowledge…everyone knows that, but it is practical knowledge…public knowledge, and many rumors suggest two NASA faces…a private and a public.  Some suggest we’ve a space fleet, men/bases on Mars/Moon, and other successes that are kept from the public.  Werner Von Braun drew up a mathematical plan to go to Mars in 1965, and some suggest they followed through on it…with conventional technology, or with some not-so-conventional.  It’s also suggested they have craft that make gravity-assists and other speed enhancing maneuvers obsolete.  Those counter-rotating magnetic discs we see and hear about, and even have them demonstrated by some not-so-conventional engineers.  If anti-gravity technology is here, the only reason to keep it secret is to hold other nations back; if everyone had such craft, it would get crowded in space very quickly, and a North Korean space fleet sounds very bad for everyone…unless they all hop aboard and live underground on one of Jupiter’s many moons.  Dig close to the core, and gravitational twisting of the large mass creates frictional heat…a hot core would definitely provide heat, and decaying uranium would be another source.  There are many theories about how to survive on lifeless worlds.  Currently, sealed caves or pockets are routinely used to store compressed air, and when decompressed, that energy is used to drive turbines…an efficient method of storing electricity from long term “Green” sources that add to the grid at odd hours, and nothing is wasted once on the grid.  There are still many general tricks to be had from a Newtonian based viewpoint.

Lagrangian wells, or L-points, are positions in an orbital configuration of two large bodies where a small object affected only by gravity can maintain a stable position relative to the two large bodies. The Lagrange points mark positions where the combined gravitational pull of the two large masses provides precisely the centrifugal force required to orbit with them.  There are five points…labeled L-1?L-5, in the orbital plane of two large bodies.  The first 3 are on a line connecting the 2 large bodies, while the last 2  form an equilateral triangle with the large bodies.  The 2 latter points are stable, implying that objects can orbit around them in a rotating manner linked to the 2 large bodies.

This seems to be universal, and can form a sort of natural super-highway through the stars.  They offer many ways to explore space, all without the need for exotic propulsion systems, and would be perfect for satellites or robotic ships to send back information.  NASA knows, and this is common knowledge.  Well, perhaps not all that common.  The dark energy/matter question is still a puzzler, but there are possibilities that merely require creative thinking with a basic knowledge of the physical laws as suggested in string theory, Einstein’s field theory, Tesla and Stephen Hawking’s work towards a theory of the very big and very small.  The essence of thermodynamics is stored energy that is released by increasing temperatures.  Light slows near absolute zero and has gravitational lensing occur over large distances and gravitational masses.

Without examining every far out theory, some of the more obvious should be considered by laboratories…again, they probably are, and are at least shared with a limited number of scientists…those who can be trusted with national secrets.  Keeping the other guys in the dark is perhaps a good thing…we don’t want enemies learning more than they should…they’re already trying like heck to get nuclear weapons…anything beyond that would be downright dangerous.  Makes me wonder about that tale concerning Iran and the tractor beam that took down a drone…that technology could only be found off-world, and that makes it even more scary.  In that light, keeping secrets would be for the betterment of the world.  I guess I’m reversing my later comments on sharing…we are not advanced enough as a species to live at that level.  With near savages living in New Guinea, the planet needs evolution; certain countries and citizens are capable of a new order, but the majority of our planet still functions like barbarians…war is barbaric, destructive, and definitely not the sign for enlightened life.  Perhaps that’s why alien races might approach certain countries and not others, and that interaction is kept secret…many educated people could handle the information, but the danger of data falling into the wrong hands would upset a very tipsy world…and throw it back into chaos…we still have ample conventional weapons that kill effectively.  Swords and knives are deadly, and there are many that would use them if that’s all they had…perhaps it’s time for a planetary police force to set down the law.  If enough advanced and educated countries signed on, it could be possible…as long as certain rules and laws were upheld, and the detractors silenced or disposed of in some manner.  Instead of jail, the sanctions we add isolate countries, acting like a geographical prison, and until something better comes around, that’s about all that can be done…human rights belong to the majority, and if the minorities refuse to obey basic human laws, they deserve special treatment. It must be a fine line to walk…no matter what is really going on.

Back to sharing among like-minded and trustworthy people.  Without better information, I can only surmise what I can from what is available.  The science of creating electricity would benefit the world, so that seems like something that should go forward even if the true science is classified or disguised as something more conventional and simple.

Old attitudes towards science use empirical tests to move forward, and they haven’t published much on the power and potential of magnetism; the Nazi regime poured over ancient records for forgotten science, and it seems they found something that pushed them in the right direction.  I know why, but believe it should be held in confidence, as with all powerful systems, the potential for good and bad uses are there, and it’s easier to just deny the research was ever conducted.

Some of the more obvious avenues are basic questions to which we already have answers.  Positive and negative magnetism can push and pull…that alone offers amazing results when used properly. Electricity is positive, negative and needs a ground; lightening flashes, and only Tesla was able to see the bolts striking the ground…returning home to the immense fields of Mother Earth…the aquifers that focus and channel electricity into the air, charging molecules with varying currents, those +/- atoms that collide with cosmic particles, geomagnetic fields, and create a storm of incredible power flashing before our blind and limited minds that do not see the connections.  If we could see the fields of force around us, it would be sheer chaos; only an oscilloscope that isolates frequencies could capture and display the many invisible fields around us, open our eyes to the natural forces, perhaps letting us see how we can capture, control, and contain that energy and use it to benefit humanity.  These fields are in turn affected by outside factors such as other fields, temperature and electrical potential.  The dynamics of space offer endless areas of speculation.

And then there is the power of biological energy…bio-luminescence, the electric eel and how it lives with more than its share of electricity, and dozens of other examples of how our living cells radiate life, and how life is another form of string theory frequency shifting that allows spiritual energy to form, become empowered, reside in a collection of cells that shoot neurological impulses to our brains, operate our bodies, and form a cohesive field of contained bio-electrical impulses.  Our auras have been photographed, blue field radiating from our “sacks” of energized cellular matter…an energy that is unknown and stuffed into the pseudo-scientific realm of Para-psychology.  It is there, and other dimensions exist.  Those are facts; the evidence is shelved into the unknown drawer, but it needs to be withdrawn and studied with every instrument at our disposal.  This probably has been done, but the results are classified, just as all truly incredible scientific progress has been.  Knowledge is power, and in a power-hungry world, that means a TOP SECRET label, or another discovery that is considered “Too far out and bizarre for the average citizen to comprehend,” sort of attitude.  We can only surmise, as we are not very well informed by a paranoid government that considers anti-gravity and earth-energy a national security problem.

With thoughts existing as electrical pulses jumping from neurons, dendrites and other channels to Broca’s area or other lobes in our brain, that power must exist on other levels of reality, and perhaps grow to enormous proportions by natural transformers or capacitors.  Emotions could be Tsunami’s of this power if channeled into a focused pulse.  Logically, this all fits into the vibrations formed in string theory, so it makes scientific sense.  Our minds must have generators that move bio-energy around to deal with pain or other natural self-help organs that allow life to thrive and flow…like a river of endless existence.

Love is so far above hate it will be a wonder to erase it forever…people will still get angry, but a better attitude promotes everyone, and our hearts begin to matter as much as our mind.  The power of love has never had a chance; unity could create waves of combined energy waves we have yet to experience and that will only happen if we make it happen.  We think our science is advanced, but 90% of our minds are idle, we wonder about ESP and ghosts; there is another level to life, and we only see it through superstition.  Photographing auras is one step; noticing thought waves or emotional outburst must be on some micro-frequency that only applies to living matter.  Material science studies elemental cohesion, collection and capacity; why atoms trade electrons, quickly moving elements that produce radiation, or other elements that attract, dispel, absorb, annihilate, amalgamate and morph…plugging the frequency needed into a discharge unit could produce some weird effects, yet that area of science doesn’t seem to rate Saturday Night Live.  Life sciences need to examine the essence of existence, and discover why particles combine, coalesce, transform, and become charged with that magic pulse that sparks life.

Our science is devoted to war…the better the science, the better the weapons it can produce; we may have incredible weapons, but we only need to use something that’s better than what the other guys have…the enemies.  Turning our fellow humans into friends might be a good idea, but it’s a generation thing that will take time to heal old wounds.  Then again, how long before we forgive and say it’s time to move on and become the advanced and enlightened race we hope to be one day?

Conquering hatred is not an easy task…we try, and perhaps that effort to try and change is what makes us different and more enlightened.  Sadly, to contain and fight what has grown out of control means using their techniques, and descending to the level of brutality that must change.

Humanity must control hatred or we are destined to live as barbarians until enlightenment is truly part of our inner life force…the frequency of hate must be cancelled by the vibration of love.  This sounds impossible, but there is a way, and it must be used before we collapse into a nightmare of chaotic terror.



A Quantum peace

We should seek a more perfect and equal union, plus true comparable or fair financial capacity; for now, we have ego and pride destroy and obliterate utilitarianism, so any productive unity might be far in the future…truly a generational dream.  If you are convinced you are more important than others, open your minds and hearts with the following thoughts.  Truth trumps deceit; it is refreshing, and pleasing to the soul.  The ability to do what you want was supposed to be enshrined in our bill of rights…however, someone in chronic and excruciating pain cannot get adequate pain relief because governments have freaked out over the Fentanyl overdose crisis and wrongly over-reacted and made opiates illegal, hard to get, and coated with a stigma they don’t deserve.  A cancer patient in agony no longer gets enough pain medication to help alleviate his suffering, yet the constitution outlaws cruel and unusual punishment.  I’d say giving someone aspirin to manage severe pain is a joke…and no one is laughing.  Arrogant bureaucrats step in and tell doctors how much to prescribe…they don’t know anything about pain management, but they demonize the morphine or diacetylmorphine, hence depriving the patient of palliative care…you die in agony, and society just watches.  This is wrong…there’s so many levels of wrong here, it’s hard to begin.  Stupid is as stupid does, and over time, governments show us they are beyond stupid, and handle our money like drunken sailors.  Back to science…a real field of intelligent thought.  We need a generation or two for maturity to set in…or else the pain of living in this inequality will continue to produce depression and emotional pain so people will always seek relief in illegal drugs…and the circle spins.  Imagine, opium was legal less than one hundred years ago…then they attacked alcohol, and demonized all drugs…our moral majority that can’t just live their own lives…they need to live and interfere in everyone else’s life…f*(* off…then look in your pathetic own backyard.

To harness unlimited energies and hope for a common future seems like a destiny humanity needs…to beg from the rich and give to the poor is an ancient concept…very old and barbaric, especially if stacked up against the supposedly great advancements scientists brag about and boast about to the greater good of all…and to keep their grants and funding.  A free and peaceful society with no need for money is still pure science fiction; Star Trek introduced it, and created a goal we’d all embrace and profit from.  All growth is painful, but the benefits of a truly equal society have never been seen, and could be the enlightenment that opens the door to space.  Giving each individual importance is commendable, but highly unlikely.  Unless a war proves to any survivors how barbaric our everyday systems remain, it will take a massive leap or traumatic event to open blind eyes and hardened hearts.  Modern economies date back so long, they are as obsolete as a spear or club.  Early man bartered and traded to survive; we use money as a common reference, but the concept remains the same.  Nobel efforts failed for they were not above reproach and allowed select groups to establish a similar elite; unless the will of all combines into the good of all, nothing will change.  A truly equitable society includes every part; honest charity begins at home, and if all governments embrace their citizens as their true source of power, refugees will be a thing of the past.  There should be nothing to flee, and only responsible and honorable governments can achieve this; change hurts, but the joy of true change can make the pain more than worthwhile…it will be seen as an absolute necessity that should have been done a long time ago.  Having every citizen care about each other makes a family, and a united family can succeed at many things…all for the good of the entire society.

A future world must decide this one day.  To make a more perfect world, we can only imagine selecting a suitable cross section of society that offers proven talents or education, or continue on with the extremely rich continuing their diabolical plan of global domination.  Perhaps they already have unknown treaties signed with alien races, negating any chance at a more perfect world.

Beneficial selection includes gene manipulation and superior breeding; concepts that bring back memories of eugenics…of Germany in the late 30’s, and man declaring he has the right and the wisdom to decide how our entire species will turn out…an act which we don’t even trust our elected group of politicians to make.  A God-like choice, we are unable to make such life and death decisions to mold the human race into something other than we are now.  Trans-humanists aside, hierarchical levels demand inequality; freedom for all has never been tried, and could only work with empathy and love.  Traits that need generations to take hold.

With that scenario, the elite will no doubt select those who have the most to offer, at least from what they can visually determine, or select from previous accomplishments and educational degrees.  The wild-card factor is lost, something that has historically been responsible for some of our greatest breakthroughs.  Understanding quantum physics, we could understand separating photons from particles, control different fields, and have a much greater understanding of how this universe operates.

This reduces the greatest trait in humanity—the unexpected…the bolts of inspiration and the realizations that some make to suddenly push us ahead in our development, even though those people have no proven ability to accomplish these feats.

That is our greatest strength…gifted but unexceptional people, acting on their own mental lines of reason, unexpectedly made great leaps of logic that pushed us forward to understand the secrets of the universe.  For example, Kepler, Copernicus, Tesla and Einstein…neither poor nor rich, they did more than hordes of scientists.

Ordinary men with no formal training can stumble on incredible finds in science, pushed on by sheer curiosity.  They are not bound by strict scientific rules, and are willing to try anything…perhaps that’s why they were so successful.

Edward Leedskillin, an unknown and unremarkable man and the creator of Coral Castle, was able to move heavy stones by a box that cancelled out mass and weight.  Mr. Leeds used his incredible invention to build a park for his love in Europe.  He moved megalithic blocks of rock to build an enclosed castle, but he never revealed the real secret.  After seeing the effects of science entailed in the A-Bomb, advanced technology was seen as a military tool…something we had and the other guy feared.  Now they don’t know what we have, and suspect we might have what they know is possible…reverse engineering creates knowledge, yet doesn’t always lead to weaponry or new technology.  It can heal, but it usually means bigger weapons.

We created Brinkmanship and MAD, that mutually assured destruction stalemate that provided an uneasy peace because it meant the end of all life, and was therefore insane.  We launch, they launch…raining nukes would ensure total destruction for the entire world.  Not an easy  decision.  Numerous explosions of thermonuclear weapons far more powerful than Little Boy and Fat-man would create a nuclear winter and extinguish all life on earth.  This mindset is not likely to ask for peace…we are afraid, they are afraid – that fear is the political foundation of our modern world.  A world of peace and no money is a dream…a generational evolution for a more enlightened level of brotherly love isn’t about to happen with ISIS and other terrorist groups hell-bent on murder.  Weapons are important, but a top-notch military would want to intuit trends, know beforehand that something might transpire, and be prepared for any response that is necessary.  Nipping it in the bud trumps blasting an infected tree.  I see signs, read attitudes and know things are about to happen; if I’m able to do that, I’m sure they have analysts and computers/algorithms that interpret actions and warn that a response now could avoid a war later.  Intelligence is a military weapon that is just as effective as A-10 Warthogs, 105 mm howitzers, or F-35 fighters.  Know your enemies needs and requirements before they realize these are important; embargoes and trade sanctions work before an enemy stockpiles a commodity…know why that commodity is useful, and deny enemies easy access…simple.  What if Japan had no oil, steel or rubber before December 7, 1941?  Then again, conspiracies predict Pearl Harbor had to happen for Roosevelt to declare total war on two fronts.

After building Coral Castle, Mr. Leeds stated he re-discovered how Egyptians rendered mass inert, making heavy rocks weightless…and left odd scientific writings on magnetism and cross currents to educate those who wanted his secret.  When Tesla called atoms tiny solar systems, reiterated by Bohr for a Nobel Prize, we see gravity/magnetism holding electrons far from a nucleus, leaving a lot of empty space. If these forces were reversed or cancelled, the amalgamation they formed would become weightless; a simple solution, but something that takes matter to quantum levels…a new field, classified science and doorway to a unified field theory.

Pictures showed him with a ladder and a black box atop the ladder; the box was never found.  The journals were confiscated by the government; whether they are aware of this technology is a question…something that is deemed Top Secret in case it has military applications, the most important motive current humans embrace.  The government also swept in and confiscated all the scientific writings of Nicolas Tesla…an electrical genius that could wirelessly transmit electricity for miles…modern scientists can only achieve a few feet.  With all these highly advanced scientific papers, and a staff of scientists that work for government money, it is highly unlikely that they haven’t made these theories work, and have been hiding this knowledge for some time now.

Sharing is necessary for scientific progress, but you need trust before that will happen, and this world is too volatile for any level of trust.  They’d weaponize fruit-loops if possible, so the range of weapons they keep in reserve must be extensive. Possession of unknown weaponry produces fear in itself; if something is possible, assume your enemies has it ready to go and destroy.  It’s also highly possible that some of the many UFO sighting are new generation propulsion systems that certain nations have, but do not advertise; they don’t want everyone to have them, so they pretend only aliens could build something that exotic.

They keep the world in darkness, just so the light doesn’t upset the social order, and gives them the ability to shine that light on its enemies, along with its other applications.  A sad state of affairs and one that doesn’t bode well for our future…it seems war is coming, and governments are stockpiling the most dangerous and unknown weapons for emergency.  Their greatest fear is comparing what they have to what enemy nations might have; everyone knows greater technology is out there, but how much has been weaponized and poised to strike.

Iran shocked America when it brought down a drone by a tractor beam.  Hushed up, suppressed into a non-event, it indicates the level of fear that grips nations around the world.  We have deadly lasers…but what do they have?  We know microwave lasers are destructive, but does our enemy’s technology render them useless?  The secrets that keep themselves are the deadliest; military secrets are the worst; they’re fleeting, sought after, and worth killing over.  We murder to protect ourselves; military minds see numbers…if a thousand die to protect 100,000, it’s a fair trade.  That’s how our militarized world calculates human lives, and the military controls the government.  Don’t kid yourself with elevated talk of democracy…we have elected administrations that occasionally manage if we make a political strike.  Obama approved violating Pakistan’s airspace to kill Bin Laden, something that required diplomatic power…otherwise, the black op would have happened in secrecy, and no one would have known…unless the crash helped put into the news.  Retribution for 9-11; destroying Al Quida was the mission, and we wanted them to know they were not safe. Otherwise, it might have been another black op that joined other non-existent black operations.  America drops teams of assassins into a country, fulfills their goal, and fades into the night.  That happens more than we know—when Bin Laden was taken out, dozens of other raids occurred, but they weren’t advertised.  Dozens of assignments are totally classified, and will remain so; governments aren’t supposed to be in the assassination business, but if it is necessary, it happens.  Pre-WWII governments had single spies…people that were sacrificed if discovered, a nefarious trait we inherited from Rome and other ancient civilizations. That’s how outdated this attitude is…we call their other actions barbaric, but are we so different?

There’s nothing new under the sun, and we need to re-think everything we’ve been taught, and throw it out as an outdated practice that was barbaric.  When measuring evolution, humanity itself hasn’t progressed; our weapons have exceeded their purpose, and its time to learn other ways to correct wrongs.

These black ops occur without congressional approval or knowledge; absolute deniability for diplomatic leaders is important, and that only happens if the team screws up and makes a global mess.  It’s all part of a show…the same play that’s been on stage since humanity created cities and governments.  Greed, power, and rival nations still inflict the same reactions today; we need spiritual evolution more than technical progress, for how else can we justify killing our brothers?  Perhaps aliens would make the world unite, but that’s speculation; they could have been here, but it’s kept secret…agreements that benefit the elite and sacrifice the humdrum.

Once again, that utopia with a cashless economy is pushed back even further…if it could ever occur under the laws and educations we brainwash our children with…only a generation that is without hate and infused with love will ever secure a peace planet.  One way it could work is our governments take all profits and distribute them evenly.  That would initially be unfair to the rich, but we would survive…and grow.

We talk of freedom, but develop technology to confine and eliminate groups exercising that freedom—the line between revolts and demonstrations was redrawn decades ago— now police departments and the National Guard are able to disperse protestors en masse at will.  These weapons are mostly Israeli; with successful field tests on their Palestinian enemies, they come with guarantees and battle tested credentials…giving Israel a billion dollar industry of destruction.  Their Uzi pistols are still extremely popular.

That cashless utopia is now sheer fantasy.  Perhaps our children’s children will shed hatred, but for now, we are too volatile and rife with wanton murder.  Everything we teach is wrong, and history proves how true that statement remains.  Values from 1888 are taught today, only history/science seems to change.

Regarding discoveries the world is not sharing; we’re too paranoid and violent to even share recipes.  The excuse remains the same: protecting us from those who would use anything to destroy what they hate.  Hatred is choking the world, and any utopian society would be far in the future, something that will take generations to change.  Until we curb wholesale murder and terrorism, world peace is a dream, not a possibility.

Mr. Leeds did not choose to share his mass-cancelling discovery with the world…perhaps he saw how the military exploited science and thought this might have been used for war…the only good reason to keep his discovery quiet.  It’s quite likely this effect is already known to our black scientists…it could be a weapon.

A man in British Columbia discovered what is now called “The Hutchinson Effect”, the extreme impact on materials by large amounts of electricity and magnetism.  He posted videos of his breakthrough, so it wasn’t deniable.  Never explained or pursued in public, but admitted to exist.  I’m sure trained experts knew this long before he stumbled upon such a mind bending phenomenon.

With no formal training, he played with Tesla coils, oscilloscopes and other devices he purchased as war surplus, and experimented.  Making metallic object fly off tables, stick to ceilings, and rip a steel bar to thin shreds, he showed how electricity has many effects we do not understand, or have governments willing to let these secrets be shared.

We are due for a change.  Using ancient economic systems…exchanging goods for money, or just lending money at exorbitant rates, is as outdated as the horse and buggy.

Imagining a futuristic society, Star Trek-style, they brag money has been eliminated, but never show that system working.  Does everything become free?  Do some get access to more than others?  What about alcoholics, addicts and the mentally challenged?  They gloss over the blights on our society, but brag anyway.

Most would say its fiction, enjoy and be entertained…but, like the science guys who tried to figure out how warp speed, transporters and phasers could work, we should look at how society might be advanced by common sense and empathy.  If Gene Roddenberry did meet with the group of nine, he must have seen extraterrestrial traits that made humanity below barbaric.  Hence his Federation of Planets and organization to a populated universe.  That alone would change humanity forever.

Without empathy for all society, it’s divided and selective and exactly the same as the hierarchical style of life we’ve evolved from…the kings, princes, and robber barons.  Nothing new under the sun…maybe move to a world with two suns/two moons.  Selah.

Reach that higher Realm


Quantum physics is now the science that probes the fundamental core of all reality, and we are finding some very strange activity.

The ripples on the quantum foam that hold the smallest specks of matter jump and travel here and there, crossing both distance and time.  Quantum entanglement is a phrase tossed about to explain some of this activity, but the final function of the basics that fabricate the elements of life are tiny strings that vibrate at precise and distinct frequencies.  Imagine tuning a radio…the receiver picks up different radio frequencies, each separate and unique…one devoted to classical, the other blaring hip-hop.  The universe rumbles for microscopic radio stations, motion that creates energy, entropy and cohesion.  Latent and contained energy in closed thermodynamic systems…all included in the very fabric that stitches together all mass in our universe…the essence of the elements.

Some scientists have suspected certain materials hum to their own quantum tune…Tesla believed this, and hooked up a device that matched the frequency of a steel bridge…his output began to tickle all the steel in the bridge, and the bridge began to sway and dance in a very erratic manner.  The upshot of this was pure empirical science; at the correct range, it was possible to somehow interrupt the atomic frequency at which the matrix operated, but this discovery was never fully explored, as far as the science was concerned…hence, the ultimate use of this significant fact of existence has passed into  history books, or onto the pages of the secret world of black op science…the highly competitive field that nations keep to themselves instead of sharing with the scientific community at large.  Like hoarding money, classifying cutting edge science adds a new level to the stagnation of knowledge.  It seems advancing science isn’t for the betterment of our species, but for the power  it adds to the first nation to make the breakthrough.  Look what the atomic bomb did for the Allies during World War Two…two bombs ended the war, but if Germany had them, even with the Allies surrounding their country, their V-2 rockets would rain down on America, and surrender might have been unavoidable.  Weapons of mass destruction are intimidating, but weapons of mass power that can be targeted on exact localities are even more important.  They become scalpels instead of machetes…pin point accuracy with precise containment would allow an enemy to steadily eliminate armies, weapon and ammo centers, and whatever threatened them: without massive secondary or collateral damage, the aggressor could exact complete castration and leave civilian populations intact and alive.  Buildings would remain, and easy for the conqueror to take over and use.

When Roosevelt decided between two super=weapons envisioned by his two leading scientists, Einstein and Tesla, he chose Einstein’s A-Bomb over Tesla’s  particle beam weapon because the A-Bomb was further along and promised complete annihilation…more bang for the buck.    After the nuclear aftermath of the A-bomb, Tesla’s precise beam weapon seems to make more sense in today’s world of compartmentalized urban terrorist warfare, but we have no idea how effective this weapon has become…all secret weapons of war are only used when needed. The stealthy 117 Nighthawk was used to take out Iraq’s air defenses because it was the right time to be used.  Thankfully, the right time to use a powerful laser or particle beam hasn’t happened, so nothing is known, just as we don’t know what other advanced weaponry is waiting.  Why advertise the existence of something you hope the other guy doesn’t have, for as soon as you use it and they see what it can do, the entire world will study and seek to create something they know is functional and works quite well.  The battle-tested guarantee, as they say.  Military secrets are the most fleeting of all…once they are shown, the other guy will spy, steal or create a similar system, ready for the next battle.

The greatest example of this altruism is seen in propulsion systems.  We are still using rocket engines that took us to the moon almost 50 years ago.  It’s a good bet that they have something quite exotic to replace them, but they don’t want to show their hand and let the other nations know what they have and what it can do.  They’ve probably hacked our defense systems by now, but perhaps they have learned and created autonomous networks totally removed from the internet, ending the threat of hacking.

Black budgets exist, and many black operations have come to light, so it’s logical to imagine they have dozens of deep, deep, black and buried technologies that would move us as a race into space and perhaps even beyond.  If the Nazi’s built anti-gravity engines in WWII, it’s a sure bet that work continued…but behind the scenes, something they were in competition to find when Nazi Germany surrendered; hence, the military scientists who created the V-2 were eagerly sought by both Russia and America.  The unknown power of massive electrical voltage…counter-rotating fields that intersect each other and provide lift and propulsion.  The secrets that keep themselves…why share what you can keep secret?  Perhaps all these UFO sighting are really American and Russian craft built on advanced Nazi technology…or reverse engineered UFO crashes.  There have been many noted scientists who have logically explained how these craft would operate; counter-rotating magnetic disks provided some weird field dynamics, and adding electricity to the mix gave it even more abilities that are still within the realm of functioning science.    And there was that 1932 Arrow Tesla converted to battery power and managed to reach 95 miles an hour.  Then again, you have to buy gas, and electricity can be free.  With a dynamic universe, latent power is everywhere.

There are also features like oppositely charged tanks of mercury, devices that strip the electrons thrown out to the outer edged of the charged element, and some other rare scientific actions that just sound like they would create strange reactions in  magnetic and electrical fields…things we know are manipulative and powerful as is.  Tesla even proved that large amounts of electricity provided lift in an aircraft, if fitted with his special dynamo engine that used the opposite reaction of counter-rotating magnetic fields.  We all know magnets repeal each other, so powerful quantities could indeed do some amazing things.  Field theory is full of unknowns, but how many secrets have been discovered about those fields that remain scientifically militarized applications to power a new breed of aircraft?

Along with the Philadelphia experiment, Tesla did pull off some wild reactions; teaming up with Einstein, they put large Tesla coils and generators on the U.S.S. Eldridge using electricity to foil radar.  Incredibly, the ship left the harbor, materialized somewhere and sometime else, and re-emerged with crew members embedded inside bulkheads or deck plating…penetrating the very atomic fabric of the surrounding steel.  Of course that was not published in the N.Y. Times, and the incident has now faded into myth or complete fantasy.  Did it happen?  The ship was real…the scientists were real, and perhaps the only two who could delve that deeply into the basis of reality, and the ship de-materialized in the harbor…according to several eyewitnesses that didn’t know what was happening.

Regardless, it’s more urban myth material for the conspiracy buffet.  After the secrecy of the A-Bomb and the stealth fighter,  we know the U.S. military operates many secret programs and tests…proof that many things could be going on, and the black pages of science holds many mysteries.  Even the admitted “Hutchinson Effect” showed that manipulating wave forms act upon matter at the atomic level, caused steel bars to shred like cheese sticks, and other objects to jump and attached themselves to the ceiling.  He video-taped this and put it on You-Tube, so it was already out there, and they couldn’t cover it up or deny these things are real phenomenon.  One day someone will apply the counter-rotating disc action to some sort of craft, and the lift generated will open the door to the phenomenon governments are hiding.

With the quantum world open to exploration, the atom smashed into gluons, mesons, and up and down quarks, there are areas of reality that are brand new…and the microscopic world that supports nanotechnology and the very essence atomic existence, the world should be ready for anything.  People have suggested CERN created a singularity or black hole on the quantum level, and opened a doorway between two dimensions that should have remained closed.  Strange formations and phenomenon were seen around CERN; if that thin ‘brane’ universe theory holds…that quantum foam we’ve seen could be the only substance separating alternate dimensions.  For many, the existence of a spirit world, or a dimension that abuts ours is very real; ghosts, para-psychology and even poltergeists have been seen and recorded on camera.  Special thermal cameras have photographed an ‘aura’ surrounding a human life form…a blue cloud that surrounds living organisms.  Far from mere speculation, these are facts; images like this can be seen on the internet, plus other odd occurrences are recorded for posterity.  What they are is still an open question, but their existence suggests there is much more to our existence than 4 dimensions.  Light can be either a particle or wave, depending on when and how you measure it…and freezing any given moment in the quantum world gives a different reading.  Take the hypothetical situation  of Schrodinger’s cat; in a box with a poison that can be released at any indeterminate period of time, at any one moment, the cat can be both alive and dead…only by observation do you get a true reading.  A form of the quantum world that has been confirmed by independent research.  Things only stop when you take a measurement.

A document with questions exceed a proven answer or end result we don’t yet understand…by understanding the question, an empirical path is created to the answer and creates a logical connection that follows the scientific method.  Asking what happens when A is added to  B is more important than having a C without the steps in the question that synthesize A & B = C…as C could be D x Y and so on.  Just a thought.

The very small seems to have many questionable areas, just as the very large; perhaps even more important questions, as a full understanding of the root of existence explains a lot about how existence itself is governed.  We know of certain power fields…electrical, magnetic, gravitational and even quantum entanglement mix with the vibrational spectrum of waves…microwaves, radio, TV, X-rays, gamma rays and now milli-waves.  It seems every fractional shift in frequency changes the properties of the substance…red is higher than blue…and so on.  The limited visual spectrum the human eye can detect is small, and seeing beyond that would confuse and overload our brain.  Does this mean we could create a device that would contain but prove existence if it was carefully calibrated to only show a select frequency?  The visual senses of different animals respond to only select frequencies, thus offering the possibility that an optical network that is well intertwined with the physical sensors could notice and compare waves that are invisible to humans…at this time.  Sonar, microwaves, radar, sound, infrared, X-ray…all vibration at different frequencies that if a more evolved species can view these spectrums, it must be an advantage…those huge eyes we see on the ‘gray’ aliens must see things we can’t.  Does it give them a broader spectrum to see, or do they just have better night vision after centuries of flying around in the darkness of space.  Always questions, but that’s the basis if the scientific method.  Results, and repeatable results provide scientific answers.

Opening the quantum world also raised the question of time…the ‘chronon’ a theoretical particle supposedly responsible for the forward movement of elements in a quantifiable manner.  The spin of an electron around a nucleus involves energy and motion; in a thermodynamic universe, extreme cold, black holes, radioactive clouds or fields and other anomalies all conspire to create independent motion as the operatives of energy.  If we had the ‘big bang’ creation, theorist speculate the super-dense singularity that exploded in creation could have been frozen at absolute zero Kelvin, or even be acted upon by unknown factors and fields we are unaware of at this time.  Exploring the world around us is always a process of question and answer; formulating the right questions are necessary, for answers must be related by supposition or the question would never arise.

Imagination, dreams and wild leaps of logic have turned into some of the most remarkable discoveries we’ve made.  We’ve seen magic…the reported actions of UFO sightings in particular, and if we knew what sciences they were manipulating, the answers would be there.  With no hint at what they are really using, we can’t ask the right questions…all we can say is “How in the hell did that thing split into 12 plasma orbs…or how could something at near light speed make a right angle or full stop.”  For us, these are impossible actions, but are ultimately mechanical objects that are using various parts of the universal make-up that allow these things to occur.  Either that, or nothing crashed at Roswell but a weather balloon, and Donald Duck is secretly the greatest mind the human race has ever conceived.  There…a slice of humor for anyone who waded through this rambling manifestation of adjectives and intransitive verbs…communication that can be mathematically equated in binary…or someday in a tri- or quad- system of encoding machine language for computers.  Quantum computing might open new eyes, and fill new minds with the questions we need to ask…answers are out there, but it’s the questions that come first…no chicken or egg thing here.








Money worries when?

Melting your  Golden Years for rent

We all heard about saving for retirement, but how many thought that far ahead?

Only the guys who knew what they wanted to do in life when they were ten…most of us blunder through life, live paycheck to paycheck, and live on a credit card.

Wow.  What happens at 65?  Sell that kilo of gold?  That ’71 Chevy or ’68 Shelby Mustang?  We wish…sometimes, if we had that stuff, it went long ago, got stolen, or rotted to death from lack of upkeep.

I always thought I’d be dead by 40…then 50…now I’m wondering.  What if I live to 75 or 85…or, gasp, 95?

Screwed blue and tattooed…it’s nice to see the world revolve, and you don’t need a lot to live, but having toys is always someone’s way of judging how well you did in the game of life.  That’s the greedy view…there’s another way, giving versus receiving.  Giving provides that warm fuzzy feeling, and it will not be forgotten, especially by the person you helped.  Having references on the other side might be more important than you think…who knows what happens next?  Biblical quotes state giving in secret is pleasant and viewed personally by God…for He sees in secret, and appreciates a lack of ego.

Giving anonymously ensures only you and God knows…trumpeting acts of charity demonstrates pride, but silent acts build your soul, and that’s between you and your God.  Always a good relationship to keep on an even keel.  Privately bestowing rewards upgrades your spiritual awareness, and you begin to see beyond the small and limited confines of this world and a money-grubbing population.  To rise above and see the stars is the true enlightenment we need to be morally uplifted…raised to another level of awareness and perception.

I sucked at Life, Monopoly, and Twister.  I did well at blackjack, but never had enough to gamble seriously.  Looking beyond what humanity lists as valuable makes you understand value is a relative term; a gold brick is worthless to a drowning man, and a joyous life of poverty trumps a wealthy existence of despair and gloom.  Until you achieve inner peace and happiness, an impoverished character leaves you alone and spiritually spent.  A smile beats a frown any day, and even uses less facial muscles.  Take heart and be of good cheer, for that is the true secret of fulfillment and a justified existence.  Envy, greed and hate create misfortune, while satisfaction, acceptance and equality help happiness thrive.

To seek meaning in chaos, answers to a puzzling encounter and faith in a positive discovery shows there is more to life than what we can perceive an innate energy that pulls at the core of human existence.  What are we to do?  Our answers are mostly based on human awareness, but we always hope there is more…a greater meaning to an extraordinary existence, and images that fill a series of empty dreams.  To gaze upon an empty sky, or view a vacant sea piques our creativity and need for adventure; inertia lacks motion, and without excitement, boredom and ennui tugs at a sullen heart, and saddens an empty or disquiet soul.  We wish to be among the stars, our imagination sparkling with enchanting dreams; this is what drives the human race, and stiffens our resolve at competition.  To meditate and withhold a universal truth, to see all life in a moment of time…noble aspirations indeed, but affairs of the heart tug against the ethereal mystery…the enduring enigma that drives all life.  Either that, or read a few self-help books, borrow heavily, and live out a debt ridden life, scratching and grubbing to make every payment before they foreclose on your entire existence.

We can be hit by a truck, get shot, have a heart attack…life is not a sure thing, so do things that last…helping out a less fortunate person gives you something special that will last…and if you don’t know what’s going to happen after death, good deeds are better than bad ones.  I’d rather meet Christ than the Devil, and what’s done for Christ will last, as this life will soon be past.

So…as long as you have a roof over your head, food and clothing, you’ll be okay.  Turn life around and help others…you might find a form of reward that makes money worries disappear…you can’t take it with you, but a good deed lasts forever.

Drug Court

An Ian Collins Case

Twenty-five Court was the final destination for anyone in Toronto charged with a drug offense, and my current client was a regular customer.  I was sitting with other defense attorneys, watching the parade of shady characters present themselves before the Judge and offer outlandish excuses for why they were in possession of various illicit drugs.  Some excuses were sheer fantasy, while others were convoluted, hard to follow, and always presented the offender as an innocent victim who was unlucky enough to be somewhere near the drugs in question, but never conceded they were the owners.  The only consistent story was that whatever drugs were involved somehow magically appeared in their car’s trunk, in their pocket, or under their mattress.  Whatever the excuse, the Judge wasn’t playing along; in 1973, Possession of pot was considered a bad offense, and hefty sentences were quite common.  Waiting for my client, I kept checking my watch, hoping he’d show, and show soon.  While another victim was led away to jail, the rear doors opened and a walking side-show staggered in.  There was my client, Zach Forrest, his arms around two supporting women, being effectively dragged into the courtroom.  Zach looked like he was so high he was almost in orbit.  I cringed as the Judge recognized him and interjected some sarcasm which made the whole court laugh and got some hoots and comments from the defendants in the box.   At least the two women were extremely beautiful, and the blond was wearing quite the sexy outfit, something every male in the court appreciated and noticed immediately.  Before they descended into cat calls and comments to the girls, I had to reassert the formalities the court was expecting.


“Mr. Forrest,”  began the Judge, “nice of you to drop by and say hello…you can say hello, can’t you?”  The comment didn’t register on Zach, and the ensuing laughter made him join in, thinking he was at some weird party in his mind.  He mumbled some incoherent statement, which must have been a joke, as he broke out laughing again.  I jumped up and introduced myself as his lawyer, and said Mr. Forrest was extremely ill and on his way to the hospital.  One guy yelled out overdose time, and the defendant bench broke into a new round of laughter.  I had to get this under control while the Judge appreciated the highly unusual situation and the obvious comedy of errors he was witnessing.

“I hope that hospital is the Addiction Research Foundation, Mr. Collins, as your client seems to be suffering from the effects of the drugs he’s currently charged with possessing…some fairly strong barbiturates, according to this arrest report.  It looks like the police missed a few.”

Howls and laughter followed his comments, and I could only smile, hoping the mood of levity would work in our favor.  This was perhaps the only court that frequently dealt with moments such as this, as every defendant who suspected they would go to jail always took some last minute handful…trying to time it so they kicked in at the jail, but often that timing wasn’t too exact.  One of the women tried to get Zach on the other side of the swinging doors, but let him down on one of the benches where he promptly stretched out, casting his legs atop the back of the next bench.  His slouch and insouciance were apparent, and disrespect for the court was written all over him.  Thankfully, the girls realized this, and tried to pull him into a more respectful position.  I hated to think how many pills he took to stone him out this much, as even when I knew he’d been medically prepared for court, he was usually able to stand and state his name.  I imaging he might have just injected something, as the effects were immediate and powerful.  His shooting gallery arms were nasty looking…red and inflamed abscesses ran up and down both arms.  He should have thought of a long-sleeved shirt, but that was beyond helping at this point.

His two aides quickly dragged him to his feet, and managed to get him into the proper position to face the Judge.

“Once again Mr. Forrest, I can tell why you are in this court, as it’s apparent you’ve taken too many of something they missed when confiscating your stash…I think a hospital would be a good idea.  I’d hate to be deprived of your antics due to an unfortunate overdose.”  At least the Judge liked him and felt pity…in any other court, hard-ass Judges might slap him with contempt of court.

It was summer, and Zach was wearing jeans and a tie-dyed T-shirt.  His exposed arms were red, inflamed and impossible to ignore.  They looked like hell.  His right arm had three massive red and inflamed abscesses, while his left had a few of its own…whatever he was shooting didn’t make it into the vein, and wasn’t something you could absorb inter-muscularly.  He’d mentioned to me how he injected barbiturates…he’d get a large syringe, add some water, pour in several pills, and then add more water and shake it up…not the cleanest way to prepare an injection.  Despite his obvious talents and intelligence, he could pull off some dumb-ass moves, and often didn’t give a damn what sort of damage he caused himself.  I considered him a shaky train about to derail at any moment.

“The court demands that Mr. Forrest seek immediate medical treatment for the blatant abuse he’s inflicted on his body, and will remain at the ARF until he is in a more coherent frame of mind to address this charge.  Case remanded three months, and I suggest Mr. Forrest spend that time seeking treatment for a drug problem that is doing far more damage than he can tolerate.  I’d say a jail sentence would save his life at this time, but a hospital is more in line as I can see some severe medical problems without looking any further than what is before my nose.”  He banged the gavel and seemed to fight against the girls who were trying to lead him out of court.  Forrest seemed to remember the laughter, and enjoyed the spotlight on this strange stage.  Unfortunately, he also opened his mouth.

“Thank you, Thank you, you’ve all been so kind…I’d like to offer everyone a beer or something a little stronger if you know what I mean…let’s all remember this and make it a day that will live on.”  Although the words were heavily slurred, we could all hear his devil may care comment.  It seemed even the already detained defendants were shocked by this insane display of drug abuse in the extreme.

The Judge rolled his eyes, and added, “It seems you wish has come true Mr. Forrest…this day is being recorded, along with your behavior, and it will live on…on the record, and able to be re-lived at your next appearance.”  The two gorgeous women that Zach somehow managed to produce finally got him to the door.  The tall blond bowed to the Judge, and said thank you, and managed to get a reluctant Zach through the doors.  He was trying to hang on to the door-frame.  I dropped my pen and hung my head.  After this little performance, I don’t think my initial idea for a defense would have a chance of working.  I discreetly packed up, but caught the Judge’s eye: “Mr. Collins, please convey the concerns of the court to Mr. Forrest.  He’s a train wreck heading for a major disaster, and I’ve actually grown quite fond of him…even reading that first book he published.  He has talent, and it’s a shame to waste what could be a profitable life.  Ensure he is firmly locked away in Detox somewhere, and follows that through with rehab.  At this point it’s a suggestion, but if he doesn’t follow through, I’ll make it a firm bail condition.  All the best and get him some help.”

I assured the Judge my client would be in much better shape the next time we met, and quickly retreated.  Exiting the courtroom, I noticed the girls managed to drag him to the front door, so I went over to see what would happen.

They managed to get Zach to the street, but every taxi they hailed passed them by.  Finally, while the cute blond tried hailing, the other girl sat Zach down so he wouldn’t be so obviously out of it and scaring all the drivers.  Eventually, a bleeding heart pulled over, probably because he liked the blond.  They all tried to push him in the back seat.  I could imagine the taxi driver’s snicker when directed to take Zach to the ARF.

The taxi pulled up to what passed as the emergency entrance…not equipped like a hospital, it was merely the main entrance door.  When the nurses and assorted other personnel took a look at Zach’s arms, they knew they had a major problem on their hands.  They did have an emergency ward on the second floor, and after securing Zach to a restraint supplied gurney they directed him there, a.s.a.p.

The first doctor to examine Zach’s arm was visibly shaken…he’d never seen so many abscesses on one arm, and Zach had them all over.  Requiring immediate attention, they started freezing the surrounding area, getting ready to lance and drain the pus that made them look like massive pimples or boils ready to pop.

The largest abscess was treated first; it produced over an ounce of nasty looking yellow. blood-tinged bile, and took a lot of pushing around the edges to get all the poison out.  It was an incredibly painful procedure, and there were still many to go.  When as clean as they could manage, they stuffed the empty skin pocket with anti-biotic swipes, hoping they’d act like sponges to soak up residual poison.  The rest of the lumps got the same treatment, and by the time they were near the end, Zach was screaming constantly from pain so much the doctor caved and gave him a large shot of Pantopon: 35 milligrams was about double the usual dose, a medical decision that many inexperienced doctors would never consider.  Armed with Zach’s previous history, the doctor knew Zach had been admitted for heroin addiction, prescription opiates that read like a list of hospital-grade high potency painkillers that included the Pantopon he just gave Zach.  On his last stay, Zach listed his drugs of choice as Pantopon, Oxymorphine, Diamorphine, Methadone, Leritine, Hydromorphone, and Numorphan.  He was secretly impressed at the quality of Forrest’s drugs of choice, as most pain clinics would only stock one major pain medication along with the middle and lesser brands.  Doctor Ballard remembered more about this patient, including an overdose from a new drug that wasn’t even in production yet…something called Fentanyl.  For now, it was a laboratory experiment, and finding it was something of a surprise.  He recalled it took three injections of Naloxone to counter its potent effects.  He also recalled Forrest earned the distinction of a drugstore cowboy…but one that had a successful history, but a aftermath of total destruction.  The damage and poison trapped in various pockets showed a total disregard for his life, as these abscesses were the result of injecting pure barbiturates…something that wasn’t absorbed by the body unless it was injected directly into a vein.  The staff had already come up with a nickname for him…”The abscess man of the year.”  He’d seen one or two on some patients, but never five or six on one arm…a total that added up to over a dozen highly infectious wounds.

If they didn’t get massive doses of pure Penicillin into his blood-stream to fight the infection, sepsis could set in and only amputation of his right arm could save him.  That was something he didn’t want to cripple an immature 22-year old with merely due to lack of caution and a personal destructive tendency that only time would cure.

After wheeling Forrest back from the operating room, his arms were taped to his body, as the barbiturates he’d been ingesting for over six months had produced an addiction that produced one of the worst withdrawal setbacks that made heroin withdrawal seem like quitting sweets.  The symptoms produced vivid hallucinations, violent shakes, and total disorientation…a horror that would take over a week.  He was still sleeping from the Pantopon injection, something a younger colleague was worried about due to the large levels of barbiturates already flooding his blood system.  His only response was that the relatively small doses they gave where nothing compared to what this client put his body through on a regular basis, and the intense pain he suffered had to be put under control.  Leaving him to suffer the pain of lancing 12 abscesses would be barbaric and not in the Hippocratic Oath.  Besides, the pathetic screams grated on his nerves, and repeatedly inflicting severe pain was something he couldn’t tolerate.  He knew Zach would inject over 100 mg of Pantopon when he did a hospital…some of this was mentioned in his chart.  The objections had stopped when he told his assistant to read the history, something many doctors forget to do before they begin radical surgery.

Leaving orders for one more shot of Pantopon if Forrest showed extreme pain, he left for the day and would return in the morning.

Forrest woke up around midnight, screaming out in pain.  The hard-boiled doctor put off the order for additional pain meds until Forrest screamed for a full hour, his body bucking and shaking so much he threatened to expose his wounds and cause even more trouble.  He ordered the large dose and Forrest spent the rest of the night resting.

Morning arrival, and Doctor Braid looked in on his patient.  Now clear of last night’s meds, he wanted more, along with barbiturate to control the shakes…the first symptom of withdrawal.  Instead of narcotics, they injected him with 3 milligrams of pure penicillin…a rather thick and painful injection pushed into his fatty rear end.  He’d have to endure that shot for the next four days, and every four hours.  He had a battle ahead, and they had to be careful with him or this could end up costing him an arm or even his life.

By the second day of pure antibiotics, Forrest’s blood work showed some sign of responding favorably to the drugs.  By the third day, he was in full blown withdrawal from the barbiturates.  After hearing the high doses he took, it would be amazing if his body managed to pull through.  Hallucinations were part of the ordeal, and he had to have Forrest strapped to the bed to stop the violent thrashings.  He was also screaming spiders were crawling all over him.  Against my better judgment, I have him a strong dose of Valium to control the shakes, and redressed his wounds…a very painful procedure.  After the first two, he fought us at every turn.  There was no choice but to give him another shot of Pantopon…in most cases like this, a patient would be totally knocked out, but with the help of the Pantopon and Forrest’s otherwise healthy condition, he tolerated the rest of the bandage changes…this included removed the antiseptic swabs we stuffed into the surrounding areas of the wounds, a painful procedure I knew what hard to take.  With a stoic resolve, Forrest bucked up and let us do what we needed to do to save his arm.

I doubled the Penicillin shots, and watched as it took five minute to push the syrupy medicine into his fatty tissues, and additional pain I watched in horror.  Day four was the peak of the barbiturate withdrawal, and we had to use extra straps to keep him still.  Another shot of Valium helped somewhat, but he kept screaming for something stronger…after being on barbs for so long, the Valium wasn’t having much effect, but it was the only treatment available.  We redressed his wounds again, and began to see definite signs of healing.  It looked like we removed the poison from his arm, and the antibiotics were cleansing his blood system.  The withdrawal symptoms were being taped for research, as not too many people made it through such a violent course, and it would help others if they were in his position.

Day six of the withdrawal found him believing the walls weren’t bending back and forth, the spiders were gone, and his arms were beginning to look moderately healthy.  After several more days and bandage changes, his treatment had lasted 8 days…8 days of sheer torture and pain.  I wondered if the video we took could be used as a shock value film to show other addicts how bad things could get when they put drugs before life.

After ten days, there was still one abscess that emerged on his left arm, but the right arm was healing nicely and the withdrawals were mostly over.  I discharged him to our resident rehabilitation unit, had nurses check on is arm every four hours, and gave him 20 mg of Valium four times a day…but only for the first week.  The drugs was chemically different than the barbs he’d been eating like jellybeans, so all they did was make him hang on to reality without losing his mind.  I didn’t want a violent outburst, something that post-barbiturate withdrawal patients could produce.  It was for his safety and the rest of the group.

He was excused from the daily activities, and spent the first week showing up to get a meal and then returned to bed.  The rest of the ward must have wondered, as his arm were covered in bandages, and when the smaller boils appeared, he could be covered in bloody pus at any given time.  I heard the worst instance was during supper…the large abscess on his left arm popped and sprayed a noxious mix of blood and poison across the table.

After that, we had his meals delivered to his room.


After two weeks, a weak and barely alive Zach Forrest started sitting in on group therapies.  The initial reports indicated Zach scared other residents by graphic descriptions of what happened to him, plus other instances when he’d exceeded the borderline and again put his life in danger.  I allowed him to continue…sometimes the truth can work…especially when the horrors of what can happen to anyone is demonstrated for all to see.

His second week on the ward was better, and I stopped his Valium.  He had a mild dependence, but nothing compared to the hell he’d lived through.  Week four had him almost back to normal, and helping the newcomers with the reason they were there.  He certainly didn’t mince words, and others seemed to be somewhat scared of him.  I noted this would pass, as I knew Zach, and predicted his happy go lucky attitude would return, along with his quirky sense of humor.  Week five bore me out, and Forrest was almost back to normal.  Whatever had pushed him to select such a powerful and dangerous drug to use puzzled me…I knew he’d been suicidal, and it seemed he played fast and loose with his life, like he didn’t care if he lived or died.  Unless we restored a proper sense of life, it would be something that would endanger him, and I recommended an extended stay and full course of personal counseling.

Despite Zach friendly and helpful attitude, other patients were scared by the obvious close call he’d just survived.  Most of the inmates were in for booze or soft drugs, and the hard core nature of an arm covered in severe injection misses put him in the dangerous hard-core junkie category, and there weren’t too many around.  He scared them.  In some was that was taught them a lesson to avoid dangerous drugs, but it didn’t do much to help him ingratiate himself with the group.

He felt bad for Zach.  With all kinds of addicts moving through the program, he happened upon a group of young rookies; he was only 22, but probably scared the hell out of them.  One thing I had noticed was a friend dropped off his art supplies, and he was currently working away in his room…creating some dark pieces that seemed to match his latest dark incident, but his portfolio was there, and had a beautiful sketch of a young woman that dazzled with light and dark contrasting strokes, and I’d noticed a few people showed interest.  Perhaps his talent would break down barriers, for who could be afraid of someone that drew such beautiful subjects?

Another week fly by, and many of the younger residents checked out.  Zach was now working in a corner of the dayroom…better light and more room made it an obvious choice, and he had a slew of observers watching his sure and steady hand produce beauty.  He did some portraits and gave them away, a sure way to become accepted.  The replacements we got were older junkies, and Zach was soon forgotten as an object of terror.  Alf checked in, and his mean and grizzled face could scare anyone…with two lines of tracks on each side of his neck, he usually wore long sleeves to hide the junction rails that ran up and down both arms.

I knew Zach had a lot riding on our report for the courts, so I kept him for the three months he had before his next appearance.  I wrote a glowing report, and recommended him for long term therapy at one of the park-like facilities that bordered Toronto.

He left for court with a therapist for support, and returned in the afternoon, slightly happier and with a better attitude towards his recovery.  The court made a deal with him—if he stuck out a six month program, they’d drop the charges and let him move on.  That’s the sort of motivation he needed…I knew if he’d been released before his court date, he’d be back on drugs as soon as he got home.  I’d found out he had a stash of barbs at home, and that worried him…he knew he wasn’t strong enough to dispose of them, and that was worse than releasing an alcoholic to work bar in a busy nightclub.

Then one night we let him fill the store orders.  Once or twice a week, a select person would take orders from everyone, get the money, and buy what they needed from the store: pop, candy, cigarettes, Tampons, chewing gum…just about anything a person wanted from the store and had the money to pay for it.  The trip usually took a couple of hours, as it was often a long list.  Within an hour or two of Zach’s return, the staff started to notice odd behavior.  The resident haircutter at the time left a person half finished, people were using the side balustrades to help steady their walks, and the living area was an endless source of gleeful laughter.  This wasn’t that unusual, but when dinner was served, many people dropped their trays and couldn’t even navigate to their table.  Someone had brought drugs on the unit, and based on their reactions, it looked like they were bombed on heavy-duty barbiturates…exactly what Zach had demonstrated he had easy access to.  When I started my shift at 6:00 P.M., the staff brought this to my attention, but believed some visitor had smuggled in drugs during the afternoon.  As the doctor on duty, I recognized the effects of sleeping pills, Quaaludes, or barbs, and couldn’t help but make the connection to Zach.  I was slightly disappointed but not surprised…he was an addict.  We gave some of the more obvious offender urine tests, and using the quick results strips, found they showed positive for large quantities of barbiturates…probably the 200 or 100 milligram variety Zach had been strung out on.

Since he’d been here under lock and key after his court appearance and didn’t know where he was going to end up, I’m sure he didn’t stash any nearby, and I knew he didn’t have anything on his person when checked in.  It was possible a friend hid them for him to find when he went out on the store run, but that was a random privilege we only allowed residents who were about to be discharged to perform.  I called Zach into my office.  If Zach was high, he didn’t take enough to impair his walk or speech, had such a high resistance it wouldn’t show, or he hadn’t taken anything.  I showed him the test results from the urine screen, and said, “They test positive for barbiturate powders and amytal sodium, the other half of Tuinal, and an extremely powerful member of the barbiturate family.  He saw the results and sort of hung his head, knowing what was coming.  “Zach, this is was nearly cost you your right arm, and possibly might have killed you…I thought you were coming along fine, but you have to admit, this is a very bad situation and it seems to point in your direction.”

Zach nodded and said, “If I did have access to my stash, I’d probably pop around ten…enough to put a tiny stagger in my walk, but not enough to really affect me.  I haven’t been hanging with any of the new guys lately, so I don’t know what might have been happening through the grapevine.  I know I went to the store, but I didn’t bring anything back, and I haven’t taken anything.  Give me the cup and I’ll give you a urine screen right now…believe it or not, all you’ll find is residue from when I first came in, if its there at all.”

Zach looked steadily into my eyes, and I believed him.  He was calm, normal, and never slurred his speech or showed any sign of taking the strong pills.  I knew he’d built up a high resistance, but after 2 months of clean living, even one or two of the 200 mg Tuinals would definitely affect him…that was a knock-out dose, and Tuinals start at 50 mg., which is sometimes enough to knock most people into dreamland.  The 200 mg variety were used for pre-surgery meds, cancer patients to sleep with intense pain, or for the few that had huge tolerances.

I said, “Everything you’ve done has been helpful in getting your life back…after court, I’m sure you fully appreciate how serious it is, and I have the distinct impression you’re telling me the truth.  I don’t need a urine sample, as I don’t think you took anything.  I’m sure we’ll find out who brought them in, but for now, you’re off the hook.  The drugs will be in your system for some time, so we can always test you later, but I think we’ll look over the visitors and patients for today, and see if that offers a clue.  I’m extending trust here Zach, and it would be better for you if you brought them in to tell me now.  Did you bring them in?”

Zach gave me a level gaze and firmly said “No.”

I waved him out of my office and looked at the daily visitor list.  I recognized an old patient visiting his buddy, and remembered some problems we had with him during his last stay.  I phoned the nurse’s station and asked them to bring me the patient, and told them to search his room while I talked with him.

Peter Stark made it to my office and fell into a chair.  He was plastered.  I immediately asked, “How many pills did Andy bring you?  Handing them out to other residents only gets other people in trouble, and makes this situation a problem that affects the whole ward…besides, you know people don’t stand up like in jail, and cough up names as soon as you ask.”  My trick worked…he thought someone he gave pills to ratted him out, and knew it was game over.

He didn’t know what I knew, but guilt can often make someone cave and dispense with lying.

He admitted his friend brought him about 50 Tuinals…the 200 mg, knock-you-on-your-ass with one variety, and reached into his pocket to pull out the ten he had left.  I told him about the rules, and he knew he was getting the boot.  Knowing he was history, he put the Tuinals back in his pocket…why bother pretending now?  Punishing all the other patients for his indiscretion was by the book, but I decided to tell each person to go to bed and sleep it off, or pack their stuff and leave.  About ten people were suspected of being stoned, but there were probably others that only took enough to get a slight buzz or had high tolerances.  I couldn’t empty the whole ward just because someone put temptation right in their lap.  I told him to go get packed, and mentioned he was barred for six months.  As he left, I thought about Zach.  The entire nursing staff convicted him, and basically told me he was the guy responsible.  I was glad I followed my instincts and trusted a junkie…it’s not always a good move, but you have to start trusting someone…sometime.


Why read…why expand your mind.  We all have questions, and we hope to find them somewhere, even by a chance read.

What if this has the answer you’ve always sought?  The solution to the conundrum that has eaten away at you for many many years.  Some answers are simple, others complex, but even more address the failures we’re now finding in a broken system…a system that enslaves someone through debt.  Mortgage, student loan, whatever, we pay for the right to live in boxes, then a final box.  We demand freedom, but are slyly manipulated into contracts that remove any chance of utter creative liberty.  There are many systems, and the voices promoting this one are the same ones who control and administrate us daily.

Be good, help others, and do not consider yourself to be more than you are…we are not kings but brothers.  Share with others what they don’t have and you own in abundance…this can be money or a kind word, as wealth is not always a monetary concern.

Sometimes, the right word can mean more than a fistful of diamonds.  The meaning of life has value, but the cause of your pain is personal and private…something only you can fix…perhaps the answer is in helping others without a second thought  to an overwhelming  ego that drowns you in a sea of selfishness.

Keep your life free from trouble and bite the bullet…there really is a better way, and a faith in the divine can produce  a positive nature that will carry you above life’s troubles…you shall mount up as if upon the wings of eagles.


Fight for Death

Albert Camus, the French philosopher, cleverly concluded that a painful life is a justified excuse for suicide; with no religious concerns, death didn’t have repercussions for him, as he believed one would simply vanish and never worry about some afterlife.  There are several suicides in the Bible, and the “Thou shalt not kill” command seems to include all life, established religions believe suicide is frowned upon in a spiritual context; however, if life is endless agony or psychological distress, quickly aborting an existence seems to be humane and preferable to daily agony.  Jesus told us to hate this life, and mentioned love if someone lays down his life for his brother, but the context or meaning isn’t clearly defined.  While mentioning death, there is no real advice offered other than the advantages gained when someone focuses on Heaven over the world.  It is possible to infer that this life is a test for mortals…how we live our lives and respect morals is important to our personal development and spiritual growth…lessons teach us to love, and chances to help people in need.  Nothing tells us when we have reached the proper level of enlightenment, but it seems to be so self-fulfilling and uplifting, we’d know when we attained a higher awareness…it would change our old life, and allow us to see the greater picture that includes a destination for all intelligent life…from Earth or from some other planet with life we haven’t even imagined is out there.

Buddhists believe in reaching a point of spiritual Nirvana that gives you  a full comprehension of your place in the universe, an awareness of how spiritual energy combines for a greater good.  The Buddhist viewpoint also states we are re-incarnated until we reach full awareness, that our life energy is a part of the universe, and the universe never wastes energy: ergo, re-birth.  Intelligent beings reappear in one form or another…but if the extreme is believed, humans need to reach a final level of awareness or they continue in human form until humility and understanding leads to oneness with the universal source of all life.

We all know the Christian view of things…if you’re good, heaven awaits, if you’re bad, hell gets very hot.  Living a painful life and then entering hell doesn’t seem like a fairly equitable deal…but life’s a bitch and then you die.

If your life is painful, suicide is a pretty dramatic way to end physical pain…it’s final, and no one knows what awaits.  The faithful believe Jesus is real and is awaiting those who love Him, yet that requires a deep-set conviction that involves the soul, and the surety that what happened 2,000 years ago is historically accurate.

Accordingly, if someone is rolling in money, has slaves serving their every need, this life seems to be the best choice they can ever make…but it never lasts.  We die…whether what we do in this life matters for an everlasting existence is something we need to learn in the future…we’re gamblers by nature, and life is always a crap shoot.

Buck up, duck and hope for the best.  Either exist with current pain and hope for something better, or live honorably, respect others, and learn that the meek shall inherit the Earth.  Spiritually, learning to humble yourself is always a good thing, and it helps reduce an ego that’s gone over to the dark side.




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